사람이 '혼자 놀기' 어려운 이유 You're the only person who will notice if you're dining alone. So enjoy it

일본은 혼자 지낼 수 있는 공간이 많다. 사진은 혼자 먹는 식당. 출처 dangunee.com

edited by kcontents 

케이콘텐츠 편집

혈연, 지연, 학연, 나이 등을 매개로 다른 사람과 함께 놀기를 선호하는 문화 속에서 혼자 놀기란 쉽지 않다. 온라인상에서 ‘혼자 놀기 레벨’이라는 목록을 본 적이 있을 것이다. 다른 사람을 의식하지 않고 어디까지 혼자 즐길 수 있는가를 등급으로 표시한 것이다. 재미를 위해 만든 등급표지만 실제로 남을 의식하는 문화 탓에 혼자 놀기를 쑥스러워하는 사람들이 적지 않다.  싱글족이 늘면서 혼자 놀기의 달인, 고수들이 늘어났지만 여전히 혼자 밥을 먹거나 영화 보는 일을 힘들어하는 사람들이 많다는 것이다. 최근 미국 메릴랜드대학교 마케팅학과 레베카 래트너 교수팀이 이러한 부분을 지적했다. 다른 사람을 의식하지만 않는다면 혼자 하는 레저 활동이 훨씬 즐거워질 것이라는 점을 강조한 것이다.  연구팀은 수백 명의 미국인, 인도인, 중국인 등을 대상으로 설문조사를 진행했다. 낯선 사람들과 함께 있는 공간에서 레저 활동을 할 때 혼자 하는 것과 친구와 함께 하는 것 중 어느 것을 선호하느냐고 물은 것이다. 그러자 응답자의 대부분이 혼자 하는 활동보다는 친구와 함께 하는 활동이 더 즐거울 것 같다고 답했다.  하지만 장보기나 운동처럼 좀 더 일상적이고 개인적인 일에 대해서는 답변이 달랐다. 누군가와 함께 하는 것보다 혼자 하는 것이 더 즐겁다는 답변을 한 것이다. 결국 레스토랑에서 혼자 밥 먹기 힘든 이유는 ‘자의식’에서 비롯된다는 것이 연구팀의 설명이다. 남의 시선을 지나치게 의식한 결과라는 것이다.  실험참가자들은 실질적으로 혼자 영화를 보거나 밥을 먹을 때 다른 사람들이 자신을 어떻게 생각할까 걱정하는 태도를 보였다. 친구 혹은 연인이 없어 혼자 있는 것처럼 보일까봐 걱정을 했다는 것이다.  래트너 교수팀은 다른 사람의 시선을 의식하지만 않는다면 혼자서도 다양한 활동을 보다 즐겁게 할 수 있을 것으로 보았다. 이는 연구팀의 또 다른 실험을 통해 증명됐다. 연구팀은 실험참가자들을 대상으로 혼자 영화관에서 영화를 보도록 했다. 총 2회에 걸쳐 영화를 보도록 했는데 한 번은 사람들이 극장으로 몰려드는 토요일 저녁이고, 또 한 번은 사람들이 적은 일요일 저녁이다. 실험 결과, 실험참가자들은 사람들이 드문 일요일 저녁 혼자 영화보기를 더 즐거워했다.  래트너 교수는 “공공장소에서 느끼는 자의식 혹은 소심증에 대해 좀 더 연구하면 혼자 하는 활동의 어색함을 희석시킬 수 있을 것”이라며 “혼자 하는 레저 활동의 즐거움을 찾을 수 있도록 도와줄 수 있다는 것”이라고 말했다. 이번 연구는 ‘소비자연구저널(Journal of Consumer Research)’에 발표됐다. 코메디닷컴 문세영 기자 (pomy80@kormedi.com)

We chronically overestimate how much others notice our social faux pas, and underestimate how much fun we’ll have alone

Oliver Burkeman

One of the signature pleasures of life in New York City is the freedom to drink alone at a bar or eat alone in a restaurant without needing to worry that anyone’s judging you harshly, because everyone does it. (I realize it’s harder for women than men to drink solo at bars unbothered – but my female friends agree that it’s easier here than elsewhere, at any rate.) Yet my tolerance for public solitude has limits: I’d never take a book to the pub on Saturday night, and wouldn’t eat alone in a Michelin-starred restaurant even if I could afford to. I’ve often gone to films alone, but “taking myself on a date” to a concert or play is inconceivable: that, for some reason, would make me feel like a loser.

I’m not sure there’s much logic behind these subtle distinctions – but, thanks to a forthcoming study in the Journal of Consumer Research, at least I know I’m not alone in my hang-ups about going out alone.

The research, conducted by Rebecca Ratner and Rebecca Hamilton of the universities of Maryland and Georgetown – which I found via Science of Us – shows that we’re vastly more comfortable being seen alone doing “utilitarian” things (activities with some clear purpose) than “hedonic” ones (done for sheer pleasure). Perhaps, for instance, you actively love shopping for shoes, but since there’s another reason to do it – to obtain a pair of shoes – you’re unlikely to fear being observed doing it without others. Whereas when it comes to hedonic pursuits, the researchers note, people “anticipate negative inferences from others about their social connectedness”: they worry that people will assume they could find no friends to accompany them. 

Hence the ubiquitous advice to take a book to your table for one: it’s utilitarian. “Look!” you’re signaling to fellow diners, “I have to get this reading done, and I just though it would be nice to do it over a meal!” (This works better with a stack of printed papers or an academic tome than with paperback thrillers.) It also signals: “Oh, and by the way, I’m definitely not eavesdropping on your conversation!”

Ratner and Hamilton’s research also shows that we’re bad at predicting how much we’ll enjoy pursuing hedonic activities alone. In a small experiment, they arranged for students to be interrupted as they walked across campus, alone or with friends, and invited to visit a special art exhibit in the nearby student union. (To encourage participation, everyone was given the chance of winning $250.) Those stopped alone showed less interest, and predicted they’d enjoy it less. But once they’d been, they were no less likely to report having enjoyed the experience. If you refrain from fun things because you’re worried they’ll be no fun without friends, the researchers conclude, there’s a good chance you’re just denying yourself pleasure.

Underlying our inhibitions about being seen out alone, I suspect, is the famous psychological phenomenon known as the spotlight effect, which describes the way we chronically overestimate how much others notice our social faux pas – or indeed notice us at all. In a 2000 study, Thomas Gilovich and his colleagues recruited Cornell University students to enter a public area alone wearing a Barry Manilow t-shirt. (Preliminary research had established they’d find few fashion choices more mortifying.) Roughly speaking, they guessed that half their fellow students had noticed, when in fact under a quarter actually did. “Because we are so focused on our own behaviour,” Gilovich and his co-authors explained, “it can be difficult to arrive at an accurate assessment of how much – or how little – our behavior is noticed by others.”

It’s alarming to speculate how wide-reaching this effect might be. For instance, there’s plenty of evidence to suggest that many couples might get higher-quality sleep if they slept in separate beds. How many fail to do so, I wonder, simply because they’re worried that others would judge their relationship negatively? This makes no sense, of course: if there’s someone else in your bedroom judging your sleeping habits, you should probably call the police. But internalized social judgments burrow deep.

The real reason that you shouldn’t refrain from eating or drinking or movie-going or gig-attending alone, then, apart from the fact that you’re more likely to enjoy it than you think, is this: nobody is paying attention. I could feed you all sorts of peppy, confidence-boosting nonsense about how, in heading out solo, you’re coming across to others as self-assured and psychologically secure, and how they envy you your composure. But the truth is that they’re too mesmerized by their own thoughts to think much about you either way. That guy two seats away is worrying about his hair. The woman at the corner table is wondering why she ever got married to the man at the corner table. Those three friends over there are each trying to look interested in the others’ anecdotes, while they wait to unleash their own. 

And it’s this very fact – that they’re so wrapped up in themselves – that liberates you to stroll up to the bar, order a gin and tonic, crack open a novel, and step out of your self for an hour or two.

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/oliver-burkeman-column/2015/apr/28/dining-alone-enjoy-yourself

edited by kcontents 

"from past to future"

데일리건설뉴스 construction news

콘페이퍼 conpaper

.